Overcoming Anything

Overcoming Strict Religious Beliefs with Michela Giordano Castro

• Anne Vryonides • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Episode 007 — Overcoming Strict Religious Beliefs with Michela Giordano Castro

What happens when the faith you were raised in no longer feels like home? In this episode of Overcoming Anything, I sit down with Michela Giordano Castro, a licensed clinical social worker and non-religious spirituality coach who bravely shares her journey of leaving fundamentalist Christianity. From grief and anger to finding a new path in spirituality and mental health, Michela’s story is one of resilience, self-discovery, and learning to love yourself through the process of transformation.

Michela Giordano Castro, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker, trauma-informed therapist, and spirituality coach for women building authentic spirituality beyond religion. In her spirituality coaching, Michela combines trauma and Internal Family Systems therapy expertise with her own transformative experience to guide others in healing from religious trauma, navigating family dynamics, processing doubt, and discovering authentic spirituality beyond traditional doctrines.

Key Takeaways

1. Authenticity matters. Leaving a belief system that no longer serves you is not failure—it’s growth.

2. Feel your feelings. Grieving, anger, and doubt are all part of the healing journey.

3. Spirituality can be reclaimed. Losing religion doesn’t mean losing connection—new forms of spirituality can enrich life.

Timestamps

00:00 — Welcome & introduction
 04:05 — Michela’s mantra and Gandhi’s wisdom
 10:20 — Wrestling with faith and the moment of letting go
 18:45 — Grieving the loss of religion
 26:00 — Turning to mental health and social work as a new path
 35:20 — Lessons from deconstruction and family influences
 44:00 — Reconnecting with spirituality after 10 years
 52:15 — Advice for those questioning their faith
 01:00:00 — Recommended resources and books
 01:05:00 — Where to connect with Michela

Connect with Michela Giordano Castro:

Website/Email: michela@michelasmindmunchies.com

Social: Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | YouTube 

Facebook Group: Unbound Faith: Post-Christianity Spirituality

Books & Resources Michela Recommends

  • Autobiography of a Yogi — Paramahansa Yogananda https://a.co/d/99gZZVj
  • How to Change Your Mind (Netflix docuseries)
  • Surviving Death (Netflix docuseries)

Credits

Host: Anne Vryonides
Guest: Michela Giordano Castro

Disclaimer

The content of this episode is for informational and inspirational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice, therapy, or coaching.

Please follow, download, and rate Overcoming Anything so this podcast can reach the people who need to hear it most. 

Thank you! 

❤️ Anne

 

Anne Vryonides:

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host Anne Vryonides, and today we have an incredible guest who has overcome strict religious beliefs and the implications that it can have on your life. Joining me today is Michela Giordano Castro. She is a licensed clinical social worker and a non-religious spirituality coach who has an amazing story of perseverance. Welcome to the show. Thank you. So before we dive in, I like to ask, what mantra or thought have you told yourself that's kept you going in tough times?

Michela Giordano Castro:

This is a quote that actually I first was introduced to while still religious, which is interesting because it's by Gandhi who was not of my religion, which used to be more, a big deal with the religion. I was within the fundamentalist Christian religion. But it's a quote of his that says, be the change you wish to see in the world. And that's always kept me going when I felt down about what. I'm experiencing or what I'm seeing in the world outside of me, beyond myself, that's pushed me to have some hope.

Anne Vryonides:

I love that. So has that been like a muscle that you strengthened, like, I'm here as a catalyst of change.

Michela Giordano Castro:

I think very early on, the religion did initially charge that, within my upbringing I had this training that, I had a mission to save people from hell and to be a light in this world and these types of things. The way the wording of that just really resonates with me because even if we're not seeing what we want or what feels right, good or loving, we can be part of that becoming a reality.

Anne Vryonides:

So let's go ahead and start at the beginning. What is the most difficult thing that you've ever had to overcome in your life?

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah, really the hardest thing for me was losing religion. Religion wasn't, a bad experience for me. I know a lot of people who have, deconstructed is a big word right now that had a very negative experience with religion or even negative moments, and I didn't really experience that. I mean, it was tough sometimes to do with the distress of, okay, what is the right thing to do? My family was very deep into trying to get specific about. What God wanted from us, and at this time we had access to the internet. So there's so many ideas out there, so many arguments and interpretations. And that was, somewhat distressing for me. But overall, I was happy in it. I had so much community and I felt I had purpose and direction and support and that, was something that I really loved. So I remember, the moment really where I, after two years of struggling with it, I just had to admit to myself like, I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I can't force this. I have to accept. I don't believe this anymore. And it was so hard because for me, that meant now I have no spirituality, I have no comfort of knowing that there's something there helping me or protecting me, and fundamentalist Christianity had less strict levels of it. There's a lot of this teaching of, God or Jesus is your source of. Love, comfort, joy, et cetera. People without them, people without God or Jesus are just miserable. And so I felt like, well, I don't know about being miserable. I felt very determined that I was gonna have a good life regardless, but it was very hard to let go of that sense of security and connection.

Anne Vryonides:

Wow. How challenging was that for you? Because if you were raised that, to know, if during difficult times in your life you turn to your higher power and then not to have one, that must have been hard. So did you turn to substances, friends, or how did you make it through that difficult time not having something or someone to grasp onto?

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah, that is what made it really hard. So really for me it was, a lot of grieving. Honestly, there was a lot of anger in the beginning as well. Anger that, honestly that I lost my faith because for me, initially I didn't care if it even wasn't real. I wanted to be able to stay in that comfort zone. But. For different reasons. It just, it wasn't possible for me. So,, initially I was so conditioned. To believe that this was the best way to live your life. Because in fact, even in my own studies, I would hear Christians talk about how, yeah, maybe we're wrong, but we're happiest. And so that's what I wanted. So even after that, I still followed so many of you know the rules that I was brought up with. And the things I was taught. So really as far as what did I turn to, I really turned to like a stubbornness within myself that said, I'm gonna make my life good, regardless, and, find happiness regardless. So I actually was going to college right around the time that all this happened. I was going to a very, very strict Christian college and one thing that I would say I also turned more to was. Just researching, seeking, trying to understand other points of view that I was previously so conditioned to see as wrong. And then I turned to mental health. Honestly, I felt like, okay, religion isn't the way to find this peace and joy. I turned instead to seeking to understand mental health, to learn how to heal mental health. I pursued becoming a therapist, which I am now, and I think that was another way I redirected.

Anne Vryonides:

So was there any particular person who put you on that mental health path? Was it a professor or a friend or maybe your own personal therapist

Michela Giordano Castro:

You know, it's interesting because even before I had ever done therapy, I believe that I wanted to do that. When I was growing up, not when I was little, that was like, I wanna be an astronaut or a veterinarian, but, as I was, in high school and whatnot, I wanted to either be a missionary, which that was more the focus while I was in religion. But the second option was I wanted to be like a Christian counselor. So I always had this interest in talking to people, connecting to people, helping people. But again, before it wasn't within the scientific mental health approach of it. However, when I went to my school, it was like some summer weekend before the freshmen were coming and they had different intro. Lectures, maybe you could say or question and answer sessions for different degrees, I had been thinking about psychology'cause that's what I knew of when it came to therapy. But a girl that I had traveled with, who lived in the same area as me, was interested in social work. So I went to that question and answer session. I felt wow, this is perfect. But I still gave myself, some time to decide I was undecided. The first semester. I took both intro to social work and. General psychology. So I took both classes. I also had a one-on-one with those professors to discuss the pros and cons. And yeah, social work just felt like such a perfect fit, so I pursued it.

Anne Vryonides:

Oh, that's great. So was there a turning point or like a rock bottom moment where you're like, okay, things have to change before you got to, to college?

Michela Giordano Castro:

definitely, yeah. I remember the moment vividly, like again, I had wrestled with my faith for two years. Again, really wanting to come out, on, on top, which in my mind at the time would mean staying within it an influence for me was. My dad becoming atheist for a while, and then he shifted from atheism after a couple months into more like. Non-religious spirituality. And, you know, he's Italian. He used to be a preacher, so I was like a preacher's kid for a while and we were homeschooled and all this stuff. So it was quite a shock when he became atheist, but also even. Within atheism as well as more like new age spirituality, you could say he is a lecturer, he's a talker, he is Italian and a preacher. So a lot of conversations around the topics. And within my homeschool education. I say homeschool and it was, but I was part of many different co-ops with all other, fundamentalist Christian families and, some of the curriculums we were taught involved apologetics, which is the defense of the faith, basically teaching you why you're right and how to defend different arguments. And so I felt prepared and I would debate him. However, over the years, different things just. Weren't resonating with me, weren't making sense. It's one thing to have a belief when everyone around you is confirming that, and it's another thing when it's really challenged. And so over time, I, was going back and forth. I remember at one point I said, I'm just gonna decide to have faith because faith isn't about knowing for sure. And so I chose that, but then it was still so hard and there was finally a moment where I just. Again, I just recognize I can't force this anymore. I can't pretend. I just had to accept that this door is closing and I'm trying my hardest to keep it open, but I have to just let go and let this happen, and that was like someone had died. It was such a grieving process for me. It was very emotional, but. Over time things have absolutely transformed, for me, compared to that place. I remember even the first few years, I was still resentful of the fact that. I no longer believed. I did find some positives to it initially, such as not fearing that people would go to hell, and feeling able to love and accept people in the L-G-B-T-Q community in a way that I wasn't able to before, even though I did believe that, love was the way to go. It was this judgmental love of okay, but you're wrong and you're confused and you're doing something bad and all these things. I felt that, but beyond that, I wasn't happy about not being Christian for several years. Again, I was still very deep in Christian community at the strict Christian college, but. Now I'm at a place where I am very glad and very grateful to be outside of that. With spirituality, again, it took me 10 years. I was so hurt by the loss of religion. And the fear of being, tricked or misled, that I just completely shut out spirituality along with religion. But now I'm at a place where I am connected to spirituality in a way that. Makes sense to me. That resonates to me. That really enriches my life, and that's why I'm so passionate about this, because I see so many people lose religion and shut out spirituality altogether, which again was my experience, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Anne Vryonides:

So how did this play out? What was your process? After all you heard from your father who became an atheist and after being a preacher. Then you're having these conversations with him that's shifting your mindset, but yet you're still, I believe at that time, still going to a religious college. Right.

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah, I was still in high school during that time. And I, was such a shock. I remember literally not believing my ears. It was so like world bending that I just was so shocked. But, but yeah, it was true. And it did, shift my mindset over the course of time, just like with anything, I mean with what I know about the brain now, the brain takes the path most traveled and what we expose ourselves to, will have an influence. But there's also only so far that can go, because again, I was still in Christian communities, I was wanting to fuel this belief, but there was just something within me that at a certain point just couldn't accept, what didn't add up and what didn't resonate with, the claim that God is love and different things like this. So yeah, I just really wrestled it, wrestled within it myself for two years. And then it just came to that point where I had to say, this isn't happening. And that was a few months before I graduated high school. And then I ended up going to, a strict Christian college anyway, just because that was already all set up and I had my family support and all that stuff.

Anne Vryonides:

Got it. So if someone is, standing in your former shoes and they're like, I don't know about this religion thing. I was raised a certain way, but I have beliefs about other religions. What process would you recommend for someone to really step back, desensitize themselves and just start with a neutral mindset to figure out which religion or which direction is best for them?

Michela Giordano Castro:

What I really encourage people to do who are in that season of like doubt or confusion, or maybe even realizing that they are starting to, step away from religion and that's just, what's happening for them. And I really encourage, looking within and really being honest about your feelings. I protected myself from the hurt beyond that initial, really dark night that I had by instead focusing on this anger and this stubbornness of trying to be happy anyway. But now I realize that was a big factor in it taking me 10 years to find spirituality or connect spirituality outside of religion because I had this wall up to protect me. Whereas now I know what's valuable is that even if it's hard and painful, it's important to feel our feelings and it's very different to feel our feelings versus think about them. So I'm not encouraging, getting into a thought spiral about what happened in the past or what you're afraid will happen in the future, But instead going into your body and recognizing, I feel this heaviness in my chest, this twisting in my gut, whatever it is, and just letting yourself feel that, breathe through that. And that can lead you to heal a lot faster. And within the thought aspects,, I just encourage people to let themselves question, let themselves explore, and do some journaling to make your thoughts more clear. Do some research, talk to other people, and don't fear doubting because maybe you will end up. Step still within religion, but in a way that resonates better for you. And that's great, or maybe you won't. But even if that's the case, it doesn't have to be the shift from religion to materialism and atheism, if that's not something that you want.

Anne Vryonides:

Those are some really good tips for someone if they've hit that wall and they're trying to protect themselves. So what life lessons did this experience teach you?

Michela Giordano Castro:

I feel like it's taught me so many things. One being that people, and again, this is a reflection of what we know of the brain. People can believe all kinds of things. It doesn't mean that they're crazy. It's just a matter of, what information are you being exposed to? How threatening is it to your system? And by that I mean you know everything within you to to consider not believing this, sometimes the brain will shut out certain information to keep us safe if it feels too threatening to, consider that. A religion might not be true, whatever the case might be. So it's really helped me to, become less judgmental of those with different beliefs, especially because I, myself have changed so much. I've gone from, one end to another in a lot of cases. And so I understand, what it's like to think a certain way. I know it doesn't make a person a bad person, that people are just trying. And so it's really opened my eyes to. People are just trying that everyone, I do believe that everyone is good. That, sometimes fear can just be more in the driver's seat and that can lead us to do things that aren't healthier loving, but that most people are, trying their best. And this is really made that very clear for me.

Anne Vryonides:

So how do you suggest someone become more tolerant and accepting of other religions? Because sometimes if you're raised in a specific religious mindset, it's really hard. Unless you're at that point where everything kind of falls down and you're questioning it all? How can people open their minds and be more understanding towards other religions?

Michela Giordano Castro:

I would say if you're. Religious, all religions have this, golden rule of, love others as yourself. There are some threads that continue in all religions. This is what fascinates me as a non-religious spiritual person, is that in my, understanding and view there is, an ultimate truth you could say. And, all these cultures overall this time have just tried to understand it the best that they can and come up with these different traditions and religions. Again, if you're religious, thinking about that golden rule of, love your neighbor as yourself and recognizing that. Judgment, isn't part of that. So really trying to be led by love and lean into love again, unfortunately, because I am so aware of what it's like to be in that kind of mindset. I also know that for some people there is this belief that to be loving is to not be tolerant, however, this is why. I'm actually also passionate about helping people leave religion because as beautiful as it can be, there are dangers within it as well, this doesn't mean that everyone who's religious, will be that way. Everything, has, its good and bad within it and the extremists within it, with any kind of way of living or ideology. However, focusing on love, being led by love, not judgment. Outside of religion, if you're seeing, and this is something I see a lot too, is people who have left Christianity can become very intolerant to Christians and feel a lot of anger and frustration towards them, and I understand that. However, whether that's your situation or you're just someone seeing other religious people and just feeling frustration over it. Again, you know, just kind of looking at the fact that everyone's doing their best. People are working with the information that they know. They have been conditioned just like you have been conditioned based on the information we've been exposed to or have chosen to expose ourselves to and to just really try to be accepting.

Anne Vryonides:

So how has your life changed for the better after going through this experience?

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah, that's a, that's a great question because, again, for so long I didn't think it that would be the case. I didn't think, life would get, be better. I felt like I left a better life behind, and I know a lot of people struggle with that after leaving religion or losing religion. And my life has gotten better because. I truly am able to be more, more loving. You know, even before I reconnected with spirituality, I still had this, awareness because of just like having gone through those shifts of, believing a certain way and then not, so I had this, insight into the goodness of people who believe differently than me. That some people really struggle with that. They've always believed a certain way and don't understand what it's like to believe something different. It's easy to say those people are bad, those people are crazy. That kind of thing. Yeah, so you know, one of the things that has helped me is becoming even more loving because even while I was religious again, that love was tainted, to be honest by fear, by judgment because ultimately there is this teaching that there is a right and there is a wrong. So how can you, look at someone and not say, you know, this is wrong? Or get caught up in that. Especially if there's a fear that could influence you, which is also a big part of things, trying to stay away from simple people'cause they could drag you into it and all of that. So it's helped me become a more loving, accepting person. It's helped me to live with less fear, having less religion. I don't fear hell, I don't fear or feel the need to control, what my loved ones do or believe because there's no fear tied to that. And it's also helped me to have an even more vibrant spirituality because, it took a long time to return to spirituality for me, but. There's pros and cons. With Christianity it's easier to find community, although a lot of people, struggle with a truly loving, accepting community. Sometimes it's like a double-edged sword and there's judgment and shame involved with it. But there is that element of community that can sometimes be easier to find. Spiritual community within Christianity, however, I have still been able to find spiritual community, and again, I'm able to engage in spirituality in a way that is literally totally focused on love and not trying to change or manipulate people to be saved, not fearing people or fearing evil, or all these things that I did experience in my spirituality within religion.

Anne Vryonides:

So if someone is going through this, at this particular moment, and they're scared because maybe they're being pressured by their family or by friends and they're questioning their upbringing, but yet they also feel alienated, what advice would you have for them?

Michela Giordano Castro:

I would advise them to, be honest with themselves to really try to hold on to hope because it is a hard transition that is valid, that is real, and that doesn't need to be diminished, but it's also temporary. You know this distress that you're going through will be a thing of the past eventually, and you can get to that brighter future faster as you accept yourself for what you're feeling, as you allow yourself to explore, your doubts and your emotions, and you let yourself feel'em. And looking outside of your immediate circle, who's going to be probably, pressuring you to think a certain way, but really exposing yourself to other information.'cause again, that's another big piece of all of this, we get so stuck, for lack of a better word, in a circle of people who are all saying the same things. So, that was another big thing for me too, going from being homeschooled to college, even though it was this. Christian college, I still met people way different than I had ever met before. And again, with the internet, I was able to learn things that I never knew before. And just really trying to open yourself up to information, and really working on loving yourself through the struggle. Don't hide even from yourself what you're feeling and thinking. Allow it to be processed and know that it's temporary.

Anne Vryonides:

I love that. Just love yourself through everything until you figure it out and get through to the other side. So is there a book or resource that helped you on the journey that you could recommend?

Michela Giordano Castro:

While I was in deconstruction I was really doing it on my own. But some resources that come to mind. When it comes to how I feel like I've really healed and come out of it. Again, for me a lot of it was time, but it took so much time because I didn't let myself feel and process, fully, but some resources that helped me when I was finding spirituality outside of religion. So that's something that someone. Is interested in, there was actually two docuseries that really had an impact on me. Both were on Netflix. One was called How to Change Your Mind, and it's a Harvard professor teaching about the impact of psychedelics on mental health, but also on spirituality, which I found really fascinating. Again, I was still in this mindset of. Spirituality is too woo woo cuckoo. And, I learned about this and I'm like, a it's a plan. This is science and it's having spiritual impacts on people. And then another that was really interesting was this docuseries called Surviving Death. And just talking about, different people's experiences. Some of the episodes, can be pretty out there, but specifically the first episode and the last. It really had an impact on getting me to reconsider that. Okay, maybe even if I don't believe in religion, maybe there could be something to this spirituality thing. And then, a book that really helped me in my awakening, in my reconnection to spirituality is the autobiography of a Yogi. I had heard about this book because steve Jobs who created Apple would, encourage his friends to read this. He had, as part of his death plan for everyone at his funeral, to get a copy of this and read it every year, was his suggestion.

Anne Vryonides:

Wow, I didn't know that.

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah. So I found, I was extra intrigued and so finally I read it. And that was really big for me too because this book kind of connects, western spirituality to eastern spirituality and, just helped me have another view of spirituality as well. So those are some resources for those, I would say, who are really struggling with losing religion and trying to figure out, what spirituality might mean to them now. Again, a lot of people without direction just turn to, I guess I'm atheist now, or I'm so angry and hurt that I'm just gonna be this agnostic that's not going to even consider these things, which was where I was at for 10 years. But I think these resources can be really helpful.

Anne Vryonides:

Yeah. That's amazing. Thank you for sharing those with us. This has been such an inspiring conversation, so thank you Michela, for sharing your journey with us. So where can people connect with you and follow your work and learn more?

Michela Giordano Castro:

Yeah. So, on YouTube and TikTok, my username is McKayla's mind, munchies all kind of. Put together there. And then on Instagram and Facebook, I'm Michaela Ano Castro. On there so you can find me on pretty much all the platforms we've got.

Anne Vryonides:

Amazing. We'll go ahead and link those in the show notes. So thank you so much for being on this episode, and if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might be facing a similar challenge and needs to hear this message of hope. So don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you next time on Overcoming Anything.