Overcoming Anything

Overcoming Manic Depression with Benjamin "Bencasso" Barnes

• Anne Vryonides • Season 1 • Episode 9

Share episode

Episode 009: Overcoming Manic Depression with Benjamin "Bencasso" Barnes

In this powerful episode of Overcoming Anything, we sit down with Benjamin Barnes, also known as Bencasso—a musician, artist, author, entrepreneur, and nonprofit founder—who has faced the depths of manic depression and psychosis. From losing everything to finding resilience through creativity, community, and faith in his own healing, Benjamin’s story is a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with mental health challenges.

Key Takeaways

1.     Resilience isn’t linear – recovery from manic depression involves setbacks, but persistence creates breakthroughs.

2.     Creativity is medicine – music, art, and entrepreneurship can be transformative tools for healing and identity rebuilding.

3.     Community support matters – surrounding yourself with people who uplift and believe in you is essential to overcoming hardship.

4.     Medication & therapy are strengths, not weaknesses – treatment plays a vital role in stability and long-term recovery.

Timestamps

00:00 – Welcome & introduction

02:40 – What manic psychosis feels like: alternate realities & delusions

08:25 – The first episode of psychosis and diagnosis at 26

13:10 – Losing everything: career, relationships, and identity

20:05 – The turning point: friends and community support

27:15 – Struggles with addiction and relapse

33:00 – Finding love, stability, and recovery

40:20 – Key lessons: medication, persistence, and creativity as healing

48:55 – Advice for anyone facing psychosis or depression

53:10 – Upcoming projects & Benjamin’s nonprofit mission


Connect with Benjamin “Bencasso” Barnes

·  Website: benjaminbarnes.com

·  Nonprofit: culturescholar.org

·  Email: info@benjaminbarnes.com, info@culturescholar.org

·  Social Accounts:  https://www.allmylinks.com/bencasso
 

Books & Resources Benjamin Recommends

·  Loosened Associations: Jazz, Autism, Mischief, and Madness by Benjamin Barnes https://a.co/d/fLMe77L

·  National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

·  Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741

 

Credits

·  Host: Anne Vryonides

·  Guest: Benjamin “Bencasso” Barnes


Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and inspirational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling with mental health, please seek support from a licensed professional. If you are in crisis, call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency number immediately.

Please follow, download, and rate Overcoming Anything so this podcast can reach the people who need it most.

❤️ Anne

 

Anne Vryonides:

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host Anne Vryonides and today we have an incredible guest who has overcome manic psychosis. Joining me today is Benjamin Barnes, also known as Bencasso. He is a musician, artist, author, entrepreneur, nonprofit, founder. And Much, much more. Who has an amazing story of perseverance. Welcome to the show. What is one quote or mantra that keeps you going in tough times? It's a Nelson Mandela quote. Don't judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. Wow, that is profound. Because, so many times that I've lost everything and had to, rebuild my life, because going into a manic psychosis and ending up, homeless for months and things like that, where you give everything away that you own. And, it's a strange thing that I do, when I get sick. Could you maybe take us back to the beginning and what was the biggest challenge that you faced? In the beginning, I didn't, know, I wasn't diagnosed until after my first episode, in 1996. I was 26 years old I had a bunch of projects up in the air and, I was getting stressed out, I had student loans and credit card debt they were causing a lot of tension, in me I went into a psychosis, because of the stress, and I was in an alternate reality for, a few months, finally. I walked across the Bay Bridge into Oakland from San Francisco, and I was walking on my way to Mills College. And I got. Picked up by an ambulance. Somebody had called in the ambulance'cause I was walking around in the middle of the street and they thought I was, trying to hurt myself. So, they called an ambulance and the ambulance came and got me. I didn't know what was going on. I barely knew what my name was. I was living in a science fiction world. Where there were, I was. I had to deactivate a nuclear bomb, and there was, a whole bunch of doomsday, end of earth things that, that was going on for several months, in my mind. And so coming out of that, it was a couple years before I could do anything again. I've got. Stuff in the book I wrote about, me not able to get outta bed for several days straight. Like, I couldn't, I was really unproductive and I was feeling in this depression that sort of squashed everything about me. I'd, lost my viola, my violin, my guitars. I didn't have any clothes. My girlfriend had left me and moved to New York. It was a really troubling time and I was heartbroken. But I got, into, the San Francisco Mental Health System and, started, going to a clinic, my first psychiatrist, prescribed me, some mood stabilizers and, Wellbutrin for, depression and, an antipsychotic. And so that stabled me out.

Let me ask you one question

Benjamin Barnes:

for our listeners. So what is psychosis for someone who may not know? Like, what does that look like? Psychosis is, like going into an alternate reality, where you believe things that and, you get delusional, and, if you have schizoaffective disorder, you hallucinate. If it's bipolar disorder, you just, have, delusions of either grandeur or the end of the world or things like that. That. Cause you to think that imaginary things that you're making up in your mind are real. And, so that's a psychosis. So what made this particular experience very difficult for you? I had so much going on that was, my band had started to, play gigs and, I was playing in a couple other bands that were pretty popular in the city. And then, my string quartet, I was trying to turn it into a nonprofit and really try to develop something where I could, make some money as a musician, and be able to pay off my student loans. I and, credit cards that I'd lived on while I was trying to get my degrees. And, I had a great girlfriend at the time she was an architect I was living on with, some educated people that, were skilled at what they did. In this world where, there were people had accomplishments and I was trying to get some things going and that all just sort of fell apart, when I got sick and it was really difficult because. I had placed so much, my whole life. I didn't think I wanted to, end up like my mother, who has schizophrenia and, she was homeless in halfway houses for, the last 40, 50 years of her life. I didn't wanna end up becoming, that sort of debilitated and,

not being able to take care of

Benjamin Barnes:

myself, things like that. That was a hard hurdle to overcome, thinking that I was gonna live the life that she, had been living, ever since, I was like eight or nine years old. That could be a powerful motivating factor. So was there a moment when you felt completely stuck?

Anne Vryonides:

Yeah. It was a moment a couple years, back that, I wasn't able to do anything. But, then I had a good friend who played cello and the string quartet and, the bands that I was playing in. And he got me started back to work with him and the other, musicians that, I had almost burned my bridges with'cause I was psychotic and, I would yell a lot and get really angry. And a very embarrassing time. But, he helped me get back into it. And I had friends that, had sort of started to overlook what had happened when I got sick their support really brought me out of it. I was able to start. Leading the band again and, start playing gigs with people from the conservatory that were playing with our string quartet. It was the support of friends that brought me out of it. Excellent. You're lucky to have good friends that were there for you and like you said, to help pull you out of where you were at. So was there a defining moment when you realized that things could change for you? That things could change? There have been a few defining moments where I thought things could change. And then I would do something like not take my meds or, some poor choices and end up, having another episode. The first time that I thought things could change was things were going really well with, dead weight. My band that was electric, vinyl, electric, cello, and drums. And with my friend Sam and Paulo who, wanted to keep me, doing what I was doing because, the band having some success so I thought things could change. Then I didn't think that I was gonna, need medications anymore, and I asked my psychiatrist if I could, go off them. And he said, well, you can try it. And so, that ended up, being, a big mistake because, a few months later I ended up in a manic psychosis again. I lost my place to live. I had to move in with, my brother, he let me sleep on his couch and he had a big marijuana grow room in the place and, there were strippers and cocaine everywhere. I didn't partake of any of that, for the first few months. But then, my depression got so bad that my brother's friend. But they were both, dealing coke. He was trying to get me to try it because he said it was a natural, antidepressant eventually the place was just so nasty and, dirty that, I was sleeping on this couch and I had nothing going on for months. So I ended up trying it and then, that became the first part of a really bad. Period of my life. There were a lot of successes with the band and stuff, but, I had a pretty bad addiction to cocaine and just partying. I don't know if it was addiction. Sam might the cello player. Was, working at a, four star restaurant. And so he, always had cash. And he would always bring blow to the rehearsals.

Benjamin Barnes:

That wasn't helpful.

Anne Vryonides:

They say in AA they say,

Benjamin Barnes:

if you stick around,the barbershop for a while, you're gonna get a haircut. So what mind shift helped you move forward? What action and mind shift moved you out of that period of your life? It was time and having some distance from that scene. Was really good. I met a woman that, got interested in me, and I wasn't living in the best place. And so she moved me in with her after a week then, helped me, get sober a lot of it, it was nice that I didn't have like my whole life I'd been in abject poverty, just barely getting by, and living on credit cards or whatever it was, that was, causing, all the stress in my life to where I would go manic, trying to solve all these, financial problems. And, living with her, she helped me get back on my feet. Got me a job. And I really owe her a lot, because, that became a good period of time where I was really productive and, then I had the accident and, she helped me. Recover from it, from the catastrophic injuries. And while I was with her, I went back to school and got a multiple subjects teaching credential and, did some work for the US Department of Education and things like that. So there were good things happening and I was able to, start playing music again and teaching after, the accident. So would you pinpoint dating her as the decision that made the biggest difference in your life that really turned it around? Well, I really needed some guidance. I lost all hope and, what she provided was, a stable place for me to, become, more self-sufficient get back into what I had been trying to get going for my life, before, the partying time. Wow. It sounds like she was an earth angel that came into your life at exactly the right time to help pull you out so you could fulfill your life purpose

Anne Vryonides:

yeah. It was serendipity.

Benjamin Barnes:

So what are the biggest lessons that you've learned from this experience, of having the manic depression and then going down that slippery slope and then having someone come into your life and pull you out. So what would you say are your biggest lessons?

Anne Vryonides:

So my biggest takeaways, with mental health, taking medication and, seeking therapy are not weakness, but strengths. I may have similarities with my mother, but I'm able to take care of myself and, have recovered, a great deal, from the times I've gone into psychosis and, lost everything. The resilience progress is not linear, but persistence leads to breakthroughs. Creativity and healing. Music and art can be transformative for mental wellbeing and entrepreneurship. Diversify income build systems. I've, learned a lot about, and gotten financially educated, and, will most likely not be in a position again where I'm living in abject poverty trying to get by and, surround yourself with people who uplift and believe in your vision, or believe in you.

Benjamin Barnes:

Those are great lessons. I love that persistence lead to breakthroughs that's very powerful. So for someone who might be going through psychosis themself, do you think taking medication. On a consistent basis has been the key to avoiding those relapses? Yeah. When you go into psychosis, it's important that you get into treatment, you have to be in a lockdown for a couple weeks to stabilize. And then, you need to, have a steady regimen of. Medications and, therapies to help you get out of the depression and, prevent yourself from going back into another psychosis, another episode. Is there anything specific that causes the. Psychosis that like triggers you into an epidemic. There have been times that I've just been stressed out and, then gone into an alternate reality. When I was scared about something, that'll send me into a psychosis if I'm not taking my meds. And, then there are other times that I went into, drug induced psychosis, back in my early thirties that, from, doing the cocaine. And, smoking marijuana and stuff. So you said when you were scared about something, is that like a protective mechanism that your brain does to like avoid the pain of the stress, And there are things that, like the thought of not having a place to live or not being able to go back and it just, of abandonment, which is something that I've had an issue with my whole life was, my mother used to leave us locked in a trailer, for days, while she would go out just being on in another world. And so we're like maybe 3, 4, 5, 6 years old. And, that had a real impact on my ability to, not want to get, anything that. It could be like abandonment, you know, like getting ghosted by somebody or things like that was, pretty traumatic and can cause, cause me to go into, an alternate reality. Wow, that must have been so challenging. But you have overcome so much, and I just wanna say how proud I am of you and, it's just amazing the fortitude and the persistence you have, and your dedication to taking your medication so you do not fall into the same patterns of your mom. So how has overcoming. This challenge transformed your life? Overcoming these challenges have transformed my life. I have a lot more confidence and, I don't go into, anxiety, episodes. I have schizoaffective disorder with bipolar tendencies and, crippling anxiety and morbid depression. The crippling anxiety, I don't feel that anymore. I have a much more practical sense of what is reality and what things, can do that can solve whatever problem is happening, in my life. Wow, that clarity is amazing. For someone going through a similar struggle right now, what advice would you offer them or what advice could you give them to help them through? Depends on how bad their struggle is, depending on whether they're experiencing delusions and, having, a lot of fears about the end of the world or things like that. Then I would say get yourself. to a hospital and, get some treatment for a couple weeks and just mellow out. But if it's before that, then try not to drink or use, because that can send you into a worse place, mentally, than you're at. If you're starting to spin out in a manic episode, and starting to lose track of reality, it's important that you stay, sober. Okay. Is there anything else that you could recommend? Yeah, there's, you can always get support at, AA meetings or NA meetings. And then, there are, hotlines, the only one I can think of is suicide hotline, but there are, hotlines for people who are having, psychosis. So is there like a book that you could recommend that talks about the process or that could help inspire someone and give them hope that they don't have to suffer and lead a debilitating life with this diagnosis? That they can overcome it and succeed just like you? Well, I, I don't know my book is, what I wrote, doesn't have, a list of steps to get yourself out of a bad mental situation. But it does have, just my experiences that I wrote about, and what helped me get out of, the feelings of, morbid depression and, feelings of utter failure. Okay. And what's the name of your book? We'll link it down in the notes below. It's Loosened Associations Jazz: Auto-memoir-ography of Music, Mischief,

Anne Vryonides:

and Madness. Loosened Associations is what, it's a term, that, that is used for derailment syndrome. And derailment syndrome is, when. When people have episodes and they go into this strange, speaking in tongues kind of thing, where, they're making connections between, things that don't seem to have any relation, to normal people. But it has a lot of impact on them, the way they're thinking. And so that's called loosened associations. We'll link that down below in the show notes. So after having been through all this, what's next for you? Where can we find you? What upcoming projects do you have? Well, I'm, going to. Really try and get stuff going with, music, with mental health. For my nonprofit, I take concerts and classes into, mental illness, clinics and, elderly, retirement homes, to, fight the loneliness epidemic. There's, something that causes a lot of poor health and suicidal ideations. And, it's important to build a community of people so that, the people who are, lonely. So bringing music into these, facilities will, give them a feeling of community and that they're experiencing something from a, therapeutic place. I love that. That's great. So where can people connect with you, follow your work and learn more about what you do between your music and your non-profit? I've got a few websites I've, but, my main website is benjamin barnes.com and you can, email info@benjaminbarnes.com. The nonprofit website is culture scholar.org and, send, inquiries to info@culturescholar.org. Excellent. Those are great resources that we will link down below in the show notes. So any final advice for us, Ben Casso? Try and live up to your own standards. Don't live up to other people's standards. You wanna live your life, in a way that's productive and, is only limited by what you feel like you don't want to do.

Benjamin Barnes:

Beautiful. Well, this has been such an inspiring conversation, so thank you very much, for sharing your journey with us and giving our listeners hope, inspiration, and the courage to know that they too can overcome any obstacle that they're facing.

Anne Vryonides:

Thank you.