Overcoming Anything

Overcoming A Toxic Family with Carolina Bracco

• Anne Vryonides • Season 1 • Episode 16

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Episode 016 — Overcoming a Toxic Family with Carolina Bracco

What happens when the people meant to love and protect you are the ones who cause the deepest wounds? 

In this episode of Overcoming Anything, host Anne Vryonides sits down with Carolina Bracco, a licensed mental health therapist who helps adult children of dysfunctional families heal from childhood trauma. Carolina shares her story of growing up in a toxic household—the pain of emotional neglect and control—and how she learned to reclaim her power, peace, and identity through boundaries, inner-child work, and therapy.

Carolina is a Colorado-based therapist specializing in helping adult children of dysfunctional families set healthy boundaries, overcome guilt, and address the lasting effects of narcissistic parenting. Through online therapy, EMDR, inner-child work, and workshops, she empowers adults to break generational patterns and live authentically.

Episode Breakdown 

00:00 – Welcome & introduction
 04:30 – What defines a dysfunctional family
 10:10 – The emotional cost of gaslighting & scapegoating
 16:40 – Breaking free and finding independence
 22:00 – The healing power of spirituality & therapy
 30:00 – Inner-child work and re-parenting yourself
 37:15 – Setting boundaries with toxic family members
 44:00 – How to rebuild trust and find healthy community
 50:00 – Carolina’s advice for those still in toxic family systems

Key Takeaways

  1. You’re not powerless anymore: healing begins when you recognize your strength as an adult.
  2. Boundaries are an act of love: protecting your peace isn’t punishment; it’s self-respect.
  3. You can re-parent yourself: give yourself the love, validation, and safety you never received.

Books & Resources

If you or someone you know is in crisis: 

  • Call or text 988 (U.S.)
  • Text the Crisis Line by: texting HOME to 741741 
  • If immediate danger is present, call 911 or your local emergency number

Connect with Carolina Bracco
 Website | Instagram | YouTube 

⚠️ Disclaimer
The content in this episode is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, or medical care. Always seek the advice of a licensed professional for your unique situation.

Please follow, download, and rate Overcoming Anything so this podcast can reach the people who need it most.
❤️ Anne

Speaker:

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host, Anne Vryonides, and today we have an incredible guest who has overcome a toxic family. So joining me today is Carolina Brocko, a mental health therapist in Colorado who specializes in helping adult children of dysfunctional families heal their childhood trauma. So I'm sure many people will be able to relate to this. So welcome to the show, Carolina.

Carolina Bracco:

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me here.

Speaker:

My pleasure. So before we dive in, I love to ask, what's one quote or mantra that keeps you going in tough times?

Carolina Bracco:

I'm not alone and I have the power now.

Speaker:

I'm not alone. And I have the power now. I love that. So let's go ahead and start at the beginning. So what is the most difficult thing that you've ever had to overcome?

Carolina Bracco:

Growing up in a dysfunctional household, navigating the relationships with my parents, that was very difficult as a child, as a teenager. Navigating what to do, how to react, walking on eggshells. Was feeling powerless at that time.

Speaker:

So just so people understand, how would you define a dysfunctional family?

Carolina Bracco:

Mm-hmm. That's a really good question. And I was, that is really good. I was gonna let you know some traits of it. So a toxic or dysfunction of family. They have some remarkable traits which are, emotional manipulation emotional abuse, treating you like you don't matter. Lack of accountability, for example, when the family, when the parents doesn't apologize and doesn't repair the relationship. Another rule is don't talk about feelings. Don't trust. There's physical abuse, violence, domestic violence, lack of support. Neglect, emotional neglect, physical neglect to a boundary, violations in measurement, blame, scapegoating, constant criticism. And another rule is to be perfect, achieve. There's humiliation, verbal abuse, crazy making gaslighting, denying things that they haven't done. And I also like to lay out the toxic family rules. They're very predominant in a family like that, which is the messages that the child receives as they grow up, which is, being complete control. For example, be overly responsible for your age. Don't rock the boat. Be perfect. Blame, deny feelings. Do as I say, not as I do. It's your fault if things go wrong. Don't talk about anything. Please me, be loyal, communicating directly with passive aggression and read my mind. These are some of the toxic traits and the rules implicit in the family.

Speaker:

Just hearing you list those is like absolutely heartbreaking, yet I know that so many people can resonate with that. So maybe it's all of them. Maybe it's one. Maybe it's a few. And so. For you particularly, what made this experience particularly challenging for you?

Carolina Bracco:

Um, the gaslighting part of it. The control part of it. Feeling like I had no agency growing up. Constant criticism, being ignored, having all my needs, like they don't matter being ignored. Silent treatment. My mom would not talk to me for months and just because I wouldn't do what she wanted. So there was a lot of control there. But I would say gaslighting. Scapegoating, I was scapegoated left out. I was that person, the family, the black sheep I'll say. So that made it really difficult.

Speaker:

Wow. That's heartbreaking that your mom didn't talk to you for such a long period of time. So was there a specific moment when you're like. Everything just feels impossible. And what did you do?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah. So I would say that there's so many experiences. There were accumulations of experiences after experiences where I felt trapped, hopelessness and feeling alone in my own experience. Um, but I would say that a very difficult one was when I was, what, 24 at that point. I was, uh, ready to come to United States and they told me that I would get out of the house only if I got married and build my own family. That's the only condition to get outta the house. But I left anyways, and there was a battle that was not fun. They wouldn't speak to me. They would blame me for things that happened outside when I was homesick. I didn't know better, so I had that connection with them, like I want still wanting to talk to them, to, they have their approval and it didn't work. I was isolated. I think though, the worst part of my whole experience too, and with this one is being isolated. I wasn't able to do the things I liked. And even at a. 24, 25 years old, right? Like at that age I was punished or, yep, I wouldn't get out of the house. So the isolation part of it was really, really difficult. Let's say. I

Speaker:

can only, I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you. So you had left, you came to the US all alone. Scared trying to start like a new life, but still feeling homesick, wanting to still have that connection with them. Yet it's almost like that, emotional umbilical cord was still sending you toxic thoughts, toxic energy, and you're just like, wait. I'm trying to start somewhere new. So who was there to support you during this time and were there moments that you felt just completely alone?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah. I was completely alone. I'd say the support that I had was really hard to find community. I had a few close friends where I grew up. We talked, but I was mostly alone with this whole experience my whole life. Like I don't think I had that point person in my family or outside to talk to. I had a few nice teachers I remember growing up. But yeah, I was mostly alone. My own experience.

Speaker:

So how did you make it through? Did you turn to God or like your higher power, or did you just force yourself to go about and find community, go to church, go to meetups, and just create new friendships? Or how did you make it through that absolute hard time feeling isolated and alone?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah, that's a very good question. I turn to mostly spirituality, and I would say that right now, lately I have been putting effort into finding community and just now I've been healing that part of me and I've been looking for connections outside of my family and it's possible to find, which I'm happy about. Finding new people that resonate with you, that understand you, that have empathy that's completely different from the people you grew up with. So I would say finding community out there, going to therapy groups. And also I would say the spirituality part of it. I grew up in a very religious household, but I never resonated with it. And I just found the spirituality, within myself looking at the, looking at what happens after he dies. So reading a lot of books and having my own experiences with my own therapy and finding God my own way, defining what works for me. So it's very particular unique for me. To hold onto my own spirituality and defining my own, calling my own instead of letting my family define it for me. That was also another process that I had to go through. But yes, spirituality was something that really, really helped. It helped me find my own power support. So it helped. Yes. So I'll say that. Yeah. So yeah, sorry Scott.

Speaker:

So what was the turning point when you realized, okay, listen, things can change. Like in spite of my childhood, I am going to take accountability, heal this, and create a new life for me. What was that pivotal moment? Could you identify

Carolina Bracco:

that? Yeah. Yeah. So that moment was. When I was feeling like the weight of the loneliness. I started my career and at that time, yes, and I just started to feel more depressed and I thought to myself, well, my parents don't get me. I feel misunderstood. Even from afar. It's really hard to keep a relationship with them. I still feel all those feelings. Coming from them. And I decided that I need to find community. I need to start therapy, and that's when I started therapy, when I found myself really depressed and alone. Okay.

Speaker:

Wow. I think a lot of people, excuse me struggle with the depression because, you know, they might be losing their jobs. Things are difficult. You know, we're coming outta COVID and some people are still working remotely. They're isolated. Or if they pick up and move and they. They could relate to that sense of depression. So how did you find your way out? Like if you're in that, if one of our listeners is in that darkness right now, how do they find their way to the light to have that sense of, okay, I can make it through.

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah.

Speaker:

What would you suggest?

Carolina Bracco:

Knowing that at those times it's really hard to find support, it's really hard to think of asking for help even, and I would say. Just feel it in your body and notice, yourself that surrendering to yourself that, help is so necessary and important. I can understand how finding help and looking for. The right people to help you can be challenging because the people in the past, right? Your parents, they might have disappointed you. So it's really hard because you're finding yourself in a situation of okay, I'm gonna find help, but it's not gonna work. It never worked in the past. Those people disappointed me. But I would say really find the support. It works, it does help finding the right people to help You can be very very relieving. Relieving. And. You're not alone in this. We're not alone. We don't live in an island. We have community. It's just people there ready to help you.

Speaker:

That's so reassuring. You're not alone. So what steps, if you could identify those, did you take to overcome this challenge? And were there any specific strategies, mindset shifts or people that helped you?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah, totally. So when I started therapy for sure in the past, I had a few good therapists. Of course I did find some therapists. It was not a good match for me, and that's okay. It's process. But I did find really compassionate therapists and types of therapy that helped, uh, group therapy helped. My partner is my support right now. Um, very few close friends that I have, and I would say my spirituality, EMDR therapy helped a lot immensely. I had some spiritual. Experiences with it during that time, and that's when I got my spirituality even more, even stronger, when I processed what happened to me and really realizing that I'm not alone. I think that was just a, the most reassuring thing. It just, I fell in my body that I wasn't alone, I was never alone. And yeah, I would say the parts work, doing a lot of inner child work helps, helped me and. And on a mindset shift that I would say that really helpful, it's really helpful is that knowing that I have the power now, and as a kid I was powerless but now I can do things differently. I am independent and my family has no power for me. I can do whatever I want. I definitely feel more like an adult now doing the things that I wanna do and just feeling stronger. So, yeah.

Speaker:

That's great. I'm so happy and so proud of you that you found that inner strength and that you can assert yourself in a very, positive and empowering way. So looking back, was there a single decision or action that made the biggest difference in you shifting your life?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah. There's so many things. I would say I was just tired of yeah, I was just tired of feeling, depressed and feeling and beating myself up. Yeah, that's something I struggle too. It's like I was just tired of my only turn critic, inside. It just gets tiring. I get tired of that. And then I started to realize, okay, I. Not, that's not okay that my inner critic is so loud, I need to do something about this. And I just decided to become my own parent because I know my parents can give me what I wanted, what I needed, but I can now. So I think that is also a powerful, that has been a very powerful move to me, is to not expect from them, but give it to myself and knowing that I have the conditions and empower now as an adult to do that. I would say so many things. That was really, reflecting to me, I think going to therapy and seeing some of my own patterns and working through my own parts that I felt embarrassed of my, inner critic. I just realized that child inside of myself needed me and that child inside of myself was waiting for me for a long time, and I just needed to be there. That's all.

Speaker:

Oh, that's great. So if one of our listeners maybe doesn't have a therapist or maybe can't afford a therapist, or maybe they're just have some resistance to getting one, are there any ways that you could suggest that one, they become more aware of their self-talk so they can identify that inner critic and get in touch with their inner child and talk to their inner child and let'em know, Hey, what happened to you was not your fault, but we're gonna have fun now.

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I would say, yeah, just like you said, the awareness of it. Noticing how you talk to yourself during the day. Notice your triggers. Okay. I'm feeling some sort of feelings right now towards that person. What's that about? Or does that take me back? So you can ask her inner child, where does that take you back growing up?'cause it's actually not about the present, it's always about the past. So you can ask those questions and see what comes, be present with yourself. Take yourself on a date. Right, like going to your favorite places, connecting with that part of you inside and meaning like sitting with it in meditation or just. Creating, doing things that you enjoy doing, looking for your joy again, right? What did you like when you were a kid? What did you like to do when you were a kid that you lost it, that you don't do it anymore? What are those activities? What was that? What did that feel like? So getting in touch with that joy again, can be very helpful. Can sparkle something?

Speaker:

That's such great advice. Thank you. So what life lessons did this experience teach you?

Carolina Bracco:

That I'm powerful, resilient. That I'm strong, I'm capable now, I can do things now that I couldn't in the past. Yeah, that is one of the things that I take it with me if my. I don't know if I didn't get, if I didn't go through that, what I needed to go through with my family, I don't know. I think I wouldn't have developed my own spirituality, my strengths, and now I feel more powerful. I feel more resident in life.

Speaker:

Yes. I love that. So how has your life changed for the better since you've overcome this challenge?

Carolina Bracco:

So I would say that, I am a better person now. Definitely, right? Like not as depressed as I used to be, not as dissociated. I feel more connected to myself and I'd say how I talk to myself also has improved a lot. I'm more aware of the internal parents inside of me and I'm able to assert myself differently. I think connection with me and with other people has changed and also, this experience taught me to not be like my parents and to break generational trauma. I'd say being a cycle breaker to myself, to my young. Internal self and my relationship with my partner, with people that I care about. So breaking the trauma, the cycle is everything I.

Speaker:

Wow, you should really celebrate yourself for that because a lot of times people don't have that awareness and they just perpetuate the pain from one generation to another. So by you breaking that cycle, that is so courageous. So if, one of our listeners is going through something similar right now what advice would you give them to try and deal with? Toxic family members because maybe they can't leave the country, but let's say they still have to interact with them. How would you suggest that they protect themselves and temper those interactions?

Carolina Bracco:

There's so many things about that I would like to say. So one thing, how to manage that, right? I'll say if they're seeing contact with their parents, with the family one thing that they can do is set boundaries. If boundaries don't work,'cause a lot of times it doesn't. If the parents are narcissists, especially if there's someone in the family who has a mental disorder, it's very difficult to set boundaries. The person doesn't understand what boundaries is. But I would say limiting contact. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it doesn't mean you don't have parts of you that like them. That right the child that might still love them. It doesn't mean any of that. Actually, boundaries is, an action of love. It's love, right? Because you we're not doing any favors, not setting a boundary with that person, and you're gonna be resentful that person's gonna. Do whatever they want. You're not gonna like it, you're gonna be resentful. So it's just not good. It when there's a tons of, measurements, boundary violations. So boundaries actually are, a way to protect yourself, that person preserve the relationship. So I'd say boundaries is one limiting contact again, doesn't mean you don't love them, it's just how it is. It's just how it has to be. But. If that feels comfortable, limiting as much contact as possible. Some people do go no contact and I understand why when the abuse is really, really severe, when it's very detrimental to the, to the person's mental health, cutting contact is one way to do it. But if that person doesn't wanna do it, completely understandable. I would say limiting context, and taking it from there. And. And also something I was gonna say, you don't limit contact. You don't just, how do I say? You don't limit contact or set boundaries or cut them off in a place of, punishing them like you wanna punish them. You wanna do that for yourself outta love, right? It has to come from a place of, I'm, I need to protect myself. I'm doing this for our relationship. Because I don't wanna go through that. It, so it's not to punish that person, but it's love for yourself.

Speaker:

I like

that.

Carolina Bracco:

So there's one thing.

Speaker:

Yeah. It's not punishment, it's protection.

Carolina Bracco:

Yes, exactly.

Speaker:

Looking back, what is one thing that you've learned about yourself going through this whole process?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah. I would say trusting myself more to not guess, light myself. I used to guess like myself, not trust my gut, my intuition so much. It was a blur for me. But now I, I learned to not do that and to not treat myself the way my parents did. I feel like I'm feeling like I'm parenting myself now in a totally different way. Feeling like my own parent.

Speaker:

Yeah. Excellent. So is there a book on your journey that you could, that helped you, that you could recommend to our listeners?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah, I do. I have one that really changed my life and was so validating the work that I've been doing with my child completely. I recommend, to people that doesn't have access to therapy. It's from John Bradshaw and the name is Homecoming. It does talk a lot about the stage developments of the inner child, how you grew up, what toxic family is how to nurture yourself, how to connect with yourself with the young part that is wounded, and how to be a parent, how to be an adult. Now, it helps to integrate yourself. And make yourself more connected to you. I love that book.

Speaker:

Excellent. All right, we will go ahead and link it down below in the show notes as a resource for everyone. So this has been such an inspiring conversation, Carolina, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Where can people connect with you, follow your work or learn more about what you do?

Carolina Bracco:

Yeah, they can go to my website. It's www do inner-path-therapy.com and my Instagram at inner underlying path underlying therapy, and also my YouTube channel at Inner Path Therapy.

Speaker:

Excellent. All right, we'll also go ahead and link that down below in the show notes. So thank you so much and if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might be facing a similar challenge and needs to hear this message of hope. So don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you next time on overcoming Anything.