Overcoming Anything

Overcoming Long-Distance Eldercare with Matt McCann

Anne Vryonides Season 1 Episode 26

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0:00 | 25:45

Episode 026 — Overcoming Long-Distance Eldercare with Matt McCann

When a parent needs help and they live in another state, the stress compounds fast—logistics, sibling dynamics, time off work, and the emotional weight of watching someone decline. In this episode of Overcoming Anything, host Anne Vryonides sits down with Matt McCann, who shares what most families don’t learn until they’re already in crisis: how long-term care really works in the U.S., what decisions to slow down, and how to create a plan that protects both your parents’ quality of life and your family relationships.

Matt McCann is the CEO of LTC News, a leading resource on aging, health, and long-term care planning, including a caregiver directory that isn’t locked behind a paywall. After working in radio in Chicago, Matt’s personal experience navigating care needs in his own family led him to become a long-term care specialist—helping families understand options, reduce crisis-driven decisions, and plan ahead so family can stay family.

Key Takeaways

  • Most families assume Medicare covers long-term care—it generally does not (beyond limited skilled care)
  • The real “enemy” is the family crisis: denial, rushed decisions, and one person carrying the entire load
  • Quality care is often about planning early—so care doesn’t become a financial ruin or a relationship breaker

Timestamps

  • 00:00 — Introduction: why long-term care becomes a crisis for most families
  • 02:00 — Matt’s mantras: “It is what it is” + “This too shall pass”
  • 05:00 — From radio to long-term care: overcoming fear, shyness, and a new career path
  • 09:30 — The hidden crisis: families don’t plan, don’t talk, and get forced into fast decisions
  • 12:30 — The Medicare myth: what it covers—and what it doesn’t
  • 16:00 — Caregiving reality: why the emotional part is harder than the physical work
  • 19:00 — How family resentment builds—and how to reduce it
  • 22:00 — A practical moment to start the conversation (holidays + family gatherings)
  • 26:00 — Aging-friendly living: stairs, falls, and why “downsizing” is preparation—not surrender
  • 30:00 — Planning windows: when most people should start thinking about long-term care
  • 34:00 — Respite care + adult day programs + technology: options that reduce the burden
  • 39:00 — Real story: assisted living resistance → thriving (and what the family learned)
  • 44:00 — What Matt wants every listener to hear: you must have a plan
  • 48:00 — Where to find resources and how to reach Matt

Connect with Matt

Closing

If your parents live out of state—or you’re already feeling that “sandwich generation” pressure—this episode will help you slow down, get clear on options, and start the conversations that prevent a crisis from becoming a family fracture. Share this with a sibling, a spouse, or a friend who’s quietly carrying the load.

 

If this episode moved you, share it with someone who needs proof that it is never too late to rebuild a life, reclaim dignity, and make a meaningful impact. 

❤️ Anne

 

Disclaimer

The content of this episode is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, legal, or medical care.


#OvercomingAnything #Eldercare #Caregiving #SandwichGeneration #AgingParents #LongTermCare #CaregiverSupport #FamilyCaregiving #AssistedLiving #HomeCare #AgingWell #CaregiverBurnout #HealthyBoundaries #FamilyDynamics #PlanningAhead #HealthcarePlanning #RespiteCare #Adul

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Speaker

welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host, Anne Vryonides, and today we have an incredible guest who's going to talk about the high cost of long-term care and how to overcome it. So joining me today is Matt McCann. He worked in radio in Chicago and when his mom needed care, he decided to dive into this market, become a long-term care. Specialist and he also created, LTC News and became the CEO. And it is the leading website on aging health and long-term care planning. And they have the largest caregiver directory that is not behind a paid paywall. So with this, we welcome you to the show

Speaker 2

and it's great to be here. I'm not as exciting as some of the guests you have, but I will do my best.

Speaker

No, this is great. We are so excited. So before we dive in, I always love to ask, what's one quote or mantra that keeps you going in tough times?

Speaker 2

You know, I know you do this on the show and it's, I had deja vu of, being put on the spot in English class in high school. And so I was thinking about this and I, I came up with two, that I go through my head a lot.

Speaker

Okay.

Speaker 2

One, I think people hear, actually, both people I think here often. One is, it is what it is. We tend as human beings to keep things inside. On our shoulders and trying to hold the entire world on our shoulders. Not good for your health, not good for your personality, not good for growth. And at some point you just have to say, it is what it is next. And move on. And this is related.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

This too shall pass.

Speaker

Yes. That's a

Speaker 2

good, something that I have heard since, a kid and I think they are related. Because we have obstacles that we face throughout our life from the time we are a little toddler, trying to get up for that first time and walk

Speaker

mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

To end of life and everything in between. And sometimes those challenges can be difficult. Sometimes we don't meet the challenge. Understanding that is just one of many and it will pass and you'll be on to the next. And I have now said the word next a couple of times, so I think it's. It's related. So that's what I had. I hope I get an A on my homework. I was ready for that question.

Speaker

A plus, way to go. Yes, that's a great mantra that will serve all of us. So and so tell us how has that impacted your life, specifically with the challenges you've experienced with long-term care and, providing care for your mom?

Speaker 2

Great question it is trying to practice what you preach very difficult to do. It's been really challenging going through life changes because I never expected to be where I am today. You don't go to college and go to high school into college thinking. I'm gonna be in the insurance industry, I'm gonna be in long-term care. You don't think of that at 20 years old. And yet that's where I find myself. I think that I have changed dramatically where I used to be someone who was sheltered. In a radio studio. And what I mean by that is that I was and still am very shy in person. I met you in person. Unless you came up to me, I would be a wallflower. Yet behind a microphone, there's no one else around. I can paint a picture, I can be fun, I can be entertaining, and there's no fear and all of a sudden. I got into this business and they told me, this is what you're gonna do. These people get a direct mail piece. Now this is late 1990s. Mm-hmm. In the mail about long-term care planning. And they're gonna fill it out. They're gonna mail it in, and you're gonna get these cards. You're gonna call them, invite yourself to their home, tell them about long-term care planning, and you're gonna walk out. With an application and a check, I'm thinking of myself, what in the blank did I get myself into? And it was difficult. I was scared to death. And over time it became easier and I took the walls down and now of course this business is virtual. I get back into my cocoon, so to speak.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

Where I am much more comfortable. It's much easier for the consumer, much easier for me, but there are times I still find myself having to wipe off that, that fear really difficult to do. Fear is a terrible thing. Whether it's, you know, I have no desire to climb a mountain, whether you're trying to climb a mountain or try to do whatever it is and do a marathon, whatever it is, that is your passion, one of the first things you hear is they had to get over that fear, that concern. They're just gonna go jump in the deep end, so to speak and do it. And I was forced to because of what happened. At the end of my, radio career, at the beginning of this, I had no choice to try to earn a living and I had a passion for the product because I was living through the consequences of a chronic health issue or aging. So I think that passion. Helped. But it,, it fear is a terrible thing and it stays with you and you gotta just brush it off saying next, it is what it is, so to speak and move on. I think people who do that have success. People that are in their head too much are the ones that have challenges they can't overcome.

Speaker

Yes, yes, very true. Yes. We all are faced with these fear mongers that just hover around us and it's just a matter of accepting the fear, pushing'em away and just overriding that fear. in mind because that's what holds us back. And you obviously were able to master your fear and brush it off and tell yourself over and over again, it is what it is to go into a brand new industry. Face your fears of being face-to-face selling things because that's not an easy sale. I come from the insurance world. That's a very emotional sale. Something that people don't even want to think about, let alone stroke a check for

Speaker 2

absolutely. And the fear never goes away.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

It never goes away. It's how you deal with it.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

I think you talk to anyone that is in any kind, once the fear goes away, that level of success then dissipates. Whether you're talking about a standup comedian, an actor, actress, fill in the blank, brain surgeon. That fear can be used. In a way to motivate you to continue to make you move from point A to point B and always try to improve whatever it is that you're doing. I, I think, once you think there's no fear, then that's when decline starts. You know, fear isn't always bad. It's how you manage it, I think is is important.

Speaker

Yes. As you were saying that, it took me back to grad school when I was taking this public speaking class, and our instructor said, when you're up, whether it's comedy or whatever, you never lose the butterflies in your stomach. It's about getting the butterflies in formation. So when you master the butterflies and you get'em in formation, then you can just stand up and do what you need to do.

Speaker 2

100%. Absolutely. I was even fearful being on your show, being as big as it is. You know, it quickly disappeared what you came on, but, you know.

Speaker

Well, thank you. So many of our listeners may be facing what you faced a few years ago about. Mom and dad being sick. How do I handle this? I have a job. I have kids. There's that cliche about we're the sandwich generation where we're trying to provide financially, physically, emotionally for our kids, but then our parents get sick. We have to take care of them. So how did you overcome this challenge and not only master long-term care and providing care for your mom, but then also creating this empire?

Speaker 2

Well, what you're talking about is the family crisis and most people have not planned for the family crisis. Much less have a conversation about it. We fear aging. We don't value aging in this country. That's a good point. In some countries they value. Aging. We don't as much as we probably should. And I think that is part of the issue until it hits. It's oh, you noticed that mom and dad have been declining, but you're in denial. Just like you're in denial about your own changes and. When you're in the crisis, then you are in crisis mode. You have to make fast decisions. They're not always the best decisions for you and your family, much less the care recipient. And certainly there are things you can do. The first thing that most people are unaware of is they just assume that Medicare pays for long-term care. It does not outside of a hundred days of skilled care. Medicare doesn't pay for long-term care cause it's primarily custodial, which is help with activities of daily living or simple supervision due to some kind of cognitive decline. And then they, there's Medicaid not understanding the aid in the word Medicaid is basically for those with limited financial resources. So unless you truly have limited financial resources, you're not gonna get to Medicaid. That means one of two things, or both. You're going to become a caregiver or you're gonna pay for professional care or both, and caregiving is hard. I don't care if you're trained. I've talked to, for instance, nurses. I can care for my mom. I'm a nurse. I'm sure you can because you're trained for it,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

The part that you're not trained for is the emotional part. That's not just a patient, that's mom. And mom also has that. That's my daughter. Or even worse, my son helping me in and out of the bathroom, wiping my rear end, helping me in and out of the shower. It's almost easier to have a quote unquote stranger. Excuse me, I'm getting all choked up talking to you. It's almost better having a stranger that becomes an acquaintance, helping you with that and allowing family to be family.

Speaker

Oh, a hundred percent.

Speaker 2

And that requires planning. And while you're going through the crisis with mom and dad and finding caregivers or long-term care facilities, you should be planning for your future aging and the consequences that aging brings and people have fear about, I don't wanna be in a nursing home. Well, guess what? Nobody wants to be in a nursing home, the good news is you don't have to be in a nursing home. Most long-term care is delivered at home and assisted living not in a nursing home. And with proper planning, you have the tax free funds to pay for quality caregivers or a quality long-term care facility like assisted living.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

To maintain a better quality of life and not become a financial ruin or place a huge burden on the people you love. You don't do that the day the crisis starts. You don't plan for retirement after you retire. Same thing with long-term care. So it requires planning when you're younger. For those going through the crisis, now you have to slow down the decision making as much as possible and avoid putting everything on one person. There are a lot of family fights, so to speak, because generally one person becomes that point person and they get angry. They may not say it that their brother, their other sisters, whatever, aren't pulling their weight, but someone's gotta do it. One is gonna be more flexible than the other.'cause everyone has careers, jobs, families, other responsibilities. And there are families that don't talk to each other because of a result of a long-term care situation and the resentment that can bring,

Speaker

I was just gonna ask you about that. Yeah.

Speaker 2

And it's all avoidable.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

You know, even if your mom and dad don't have financial resources and, having a discussion, pre-planning. That, how will we manage being caregivers? Can we use respite care to take some of that pressure off? Maybe everyone can chip in to pay for some of that respite care, even if mom and dad don't have the funds. If you wanna avoid going into a Medicaid facility, often in many states, they push people into Medicaid nursing homes,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

But you have to talk about it, and no one wants to talk about it.

Speaker

Any suggestions for initiating that conversation amongst siblings and how to prepare like

Speaker 2

Yeah, the best time, and of course someone may be listening to this in the middle of the summer, but as we record this, we're getting ready for the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, new Year is all those holidays at the end of the year where families get together. That is a good time to bring it up. Mom and dad, have you thought about. What your preferences are as you get older, are you gonna downsize the home there? There's a simple thing, okay? I live in a house with lots of stairs. I had a back surgery a couple years ago, obviously I was gonna recover from that. But getting up and down stairs after backs surgery.

Speaker

Yikes.

Speaker 2

Not easy. Now, imagine me as 82 or 85. So there are a lot of homes that are not age and disability friendly. So a lot of adults, once they start getting into their fifties and early sixties, start thinking about, okay, can we downsize? Maybe get a condo or a house, a ranch, or whatever that is certainly more age and disability friendly. It is not surrendering, so to speak, to aging. It's just common sense

Speaker

preparing, being ready

Speaker 2

if it's just you or just a couple. Do you really need four or five bedrooms and three floors and absolutely, a half a acre to cut grass with, right? Probably not. Okay. So it's those types of things that we just have to transition. Life is a transition. It's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessarily have to be a scary thing. It can be fun and exciting. Okay. I really don't like Chicago Winter. Maybe I'll go to Sarasota or, maybe someplace in Texas or wherever where the weather is more moderate. A lot of people go to Arizona or the Carolinas. Or maybe you go to the reverse direction. Oh, I really love the mountains. I don't mind the snow. I just like change of scenery. You know?

Speaker

Right.

Speaker 2

But you start getting to make those choices, and when you make the choices yourself as opposed to having something forced on you in a crisis, it's gonna be a much better situation, but you gotta open it up. People think, oh, I'm really healthy. I will never need help with activities of daily living. Oh yeah. Health does not necessarily mean. That you avoid aging,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

You've seen very frail people that have nothing wrong physically. They may be even on, only, all blood pressure medication, yet they need that, at least standby assistance, getting in and out of the bathroom, maybe getting dressed in the morning. Those types of things that we don't think about and often we don't think of as long-term care. If someone doesn't do that, if someone isn't there, what we call standby assistance, what happens? Falls. Falls are one of the leading causes of emergency room visits, hospitalizations, long-term care, and unfortunately, death and falls are simple to avoid, and standby assistance provides that. Someone has to do that. Someone has to be there. That's long-term care too.

Speaker

You bring up some really good points. So if you're at the point where mom and dad may need care, have those conversations at the holidays, if. Your maybe what age group would you say? Maybe 50 sixties that you should start planning? Where do I wanna live? Maybe I should buy a policy to help cover this so I can have control over my healthcare in the future. And maybe, work on your mobility and flexibility since falls are the number one, cause of health problems. But what age would you suggest people start planning

Speaker 2

Well. Most people buy long-term care insurance between ages like 47 to 67. Okay. The younger you are in general, the healthier you are. The lower the premium premiums are based on age, health, and in some cases even family history at the time you apply.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

And they're intended to remain level for the rest of your life at that point. That's not to say older people don't have options. They do. They just cost more. There are more obstacles in the way. In finding an appropriate solution, but generally this is part of retirement planning and you wanna take advantage of your better health and your age. Now you don't have to have perfect health, but you have to have reasonable health,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

And there are, every insurance company has their own underwriting criteria and price points and all that. The thing is, most financial advisors and in general, insurance agents really have no clue. About long-term care insurance. They may say they have an in-house specialist. That person does. There's only, gosh, maybe a hundred of us nationwide that really have the expertise. And I have clients in literally every state. And there are other people other than me, of course, believe it or not. But, this is something that you need to talk to a long-term care specialist who does represent all the major companies. Who understands everything from not just how the policies work, the tax advantages, how policies get used at the time of claim and process claims all the time. I see firsthand how the policies not just benefit the policy holder, but just as important how they benefit the family as well.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

And I know people are fearful of discussing this. They're also fearful of talking to a salesperson. I don't think of myself as a salesperson, obviously, that's what I am, but, um, but nonetheless, someone who has that expertise, who can give you accurate quotes and professional recommendations and give you something specific and accurate to think about. So you can then decide is this for you,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

Because you have to have a plan. Let me repeat that. You have to have a plan.

Speaker

I love it.

Speaker 2

Yes. Might not be insurance. Okay, fine. Then which one of your siblings is gonna quit their jobs and become full-time caregiver for mom or dad, or which one of your kids, when you're older will quit their jobs and become your caregiver?

Speaker

Wow. Say that again for the people in the back row.

Speaker 2

Oh yeah, let me repeat that. Which one of your kids, go ahead and write that down. Mentally is going to quit their jobs and become your full-time caregiver.

Speaker

Wow.

Speaker 2

And you know what? There I guarantee you there's some, usually a woman out there that says, I do that for mom or dad. They say that outta love. They have no clue what they're getting themselves into. The impact that will have on their family and their career and their health.

Speaker

Oh, absolutely. Their health. That's a very good health. Emotionally, physically lifting mom. Transferring her

Speaker 2

not, it's tough enough for a professional who's trained. Wouldn't you rather have your kids be family, be loving and supporting? Being there emotionally as opposed to doing the very difficult work of caregiving. And what if it's a son? Do you want your daughter-in-law doing it? God forbid your son? Does any mom want their son to be their caregiver?

Speaker

Probably not.

Speaker 2

No. Would any man want their son to be a caregiver? No.

Speaker

No.

Speaker 2

Much less their daughter. It got, because it goes both ways,

Speaker

right? And as a parent and your, if your child, son, or daughter is providing care for you, and then like you mentioned, that resentments building up. Then in your later years when you should be having a good relationship with your kids before you transition, they're gonna be resentful, they're gonna be angry. Any tips to overcome that for, let's say, maybe someone who is receiving long-term care from, or services from their kids?

Speaker 2

Yeah, I, I think you have to find ways to not place that entire job on one person.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

So if you're already in the crisis, and remember a lot of people have long-term care, still have their mind. Not everyone has dementia.

Speaker

You

Speaker 2

may need to have physical needs, but you're there. Okay? You see what's going on. You are not blind to what's going on in your family. I have talked to these people they know and they feel really bad that they're placing this burden on their kids. So when you look at it from all those perspectives, you have to try to find a way to pass it around. Whether you pass it around because of respite care, and a lot of people may hear respite care, not know what that means. Respite care is basically temporary relief of a primary unpaid caregiver.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

You can get home health agencies coming in that will come in one or two times a week for four or five hours. That's great to give a break's.

Speaker

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Adult daycare is an amazing thing for people. It's just like childcare only. It's for. Us people with, graying hair, so to speak. And it provides for socialization. It provides a safe place for people to get the attention and needs that they have, allowing that family caregiver to live their lives, even if it's, three or four times a week. I, I know of some people drop off mom or dad to adult daycare, daytime every day cause they're working and then they bring them home at night where they become a caregiver. Really tough being at, at work all day and then at work at night, being a caregiver. But your needs at night often are less people sleeping, et cetera, et cetera. That's a great alternative. Using technology. Technology is an amazing thing. Various types of monitors, fall monitors, you know, I fallen, I can't get up, type of thing. There's a level of how much is innovation of privacy, which is probably for another show, but, they can provide a way to keep an eye on mom and dad even when you're not there physically. That's amazing. You just have to think it out and have a conversation with the entire family. Make sure no one. Feels the burden of it all resting on their shoulders. And sometimes you have to sell the house, and use those proceeds to help pay for assisted living until the money's gone. And then you deal with a Medicaid situation. And those are worst case scenarios, of course, but when there's no planning, you have to deal with what your options are. And, your mom and dad deserve quality care. You gotta find ways to get that to them. But you yourself will need quality care at some point,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

And this is a good reminder to start thinking about that now while you have choices, when it's easy and it's affordable.

Speaker

Absolutely. Absolutely. So what life lessons did you learn going through this process of trying to find care for your mom or provide it for yourself? Providing the care yourself?

Speaker 2

It started,, it fell because my brother and hi, his wife took it on. At first it would fell on my dad who was older. And then when he passed, my mom and my older aunt worked together and it's, the blind leading the blind, so to speak. And that became apparent that was not working. So at that point,, my mom moved in, to my brother's house. My aunt moved into my house. That did not work. When she, decided to, get in the car and when she wasn't supposed to, and then she drove all over the front lawn. Yeah.

Speaker

Oh no, I'm sorry. I

Speaker 2

don't mean to laugh. Anyhow, she didn't have a lot of assets. We did find a relatively nice, Medicaid facility for her. Over a period of time, the, it became really tough. My brother and his family, cause he had kids and a wife and all that kind of stuff. And we convinced my mom, to go to assisted living and that convinced was a push. Mm-hmm. She fought it. But by day three in assisted living, she was the queen of trivia pursuit. She was loved board games and they had social activity. She had her group of friends for

Speaker

Oh, fantastic.

Speaker 2

She thrived

Speaker

mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

In assisted living. She probably should have been there much sooner. She would've had an even better quality of life, in that situation. It was, was difficult. I know once that she went to assisted living, the relief that, everyone had in the family was tremendous. And especially then when you saw how she was thriving in assisted living. And, she was still doing things at the assisted living that she was doing at my brother's house. She wasn't supposed to eat sweets and stuff, but she snuck in,, cans of coke and candies and cookies and stuff. Put it under the mattress and under

Speaker

what a rebel.

Speaker 2

You know, and at some point it's like, who cares, right?

Speaker

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2

But, but nonetheless, these are the things that. Reality.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

It is part of the human, existence. Right? And there are people that believe it's a family thing. That family has to do it all

Speaker

right? I always like to ask, is there a book that helped you on your journey, learning to, to handle these emotional situations that you weren't really prepared for, that you could recommend to our listeners?

Speaker 2

Absolutely not. there's some good books out there. I read to escape. So I like to read biographies, political, history, those types of things. It allows me to put myself somewhere else, which I do think is a good thing.

Speaker

You can share that whatever is your favorite book. You could just share that.

Speaker 2

Gosh, I don't know if I can actually pick one, other than. You're gonna think this is crazy. Absolutely not. I

Speaker

had

Speaker 2

my college US History textbook, don't laugh, I, you looked at it two seconds in college and I kept it for some reason.

Speaker

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2

And I've been reading that, and of course now at my age, it's like, now it's really fascinating. Right. So, I really enjoy history and I think there's lessons to learn from history. If we forget history, we forget the mistakes of the past, whether it's as a good point, country or individually.

Speaker

Right?

Speaker 2

And you can't forget history. Don't forget history. Don't also blame history. cause history was then today's, today we have lessons we can learn. But you can't put the values or thoughts today and go back to 1700 or 1200 or 22. BC can't do that,

Speaker

right?

Speaker 2

Different world, but you can learn a lot from it.

Speaker

I like that. Great wisdom. Awesome. You have brought so much information and like things that we never think of on an everyday basis to light for us, and you've shared so much wisdom. So where can our followers, follow you?

Speaker 2

You do an internet search., I'm all over the place, but my website, the best way to get to my website is radio ltc.com. It's a redirect to my website, so you don't have to

Speaker

Perfect.

Speaker 2

Try to spell how many C's and A's and N's are in McCann. So just go to radio ltc.com. The great reference, website is LTC News, which is LTC news.com. You can follow me on Twitter, or excuse me, X excuse me, make sure it's all correct, Instagram, whatever the stuff is, Facebook, all that kind of stuff. If you go to my website or LTC News. There's lots of, good information there and obviously if you're not too afraid, you can contact me through those. And I am licensed in every state and the District of Columbia, and I represent 20 plus companies that have long-term care solutions.

Speaker

Perfect. Thank you so much. We'll link all of your websites and resources down below in the show notes. So thank you so much, Matt. Really appreciate it. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might be facing a similar challenge and needs to hear this message of hope and education. I'll see you next time on overcoming Anything.